Affairs, I have had a lot of difficulty trying to write about this topic. I'm nervous about being judged or thought of as a bad person. Everyone has their own personal opinions or beliefs, but for the duration of this article could you please put those to the side. This is about me being honest and sharing my feelings with you and with myself.
There are so many controversial articles published about affairs; how to find out if he is having an affair, why people cheat, why an affair can be psychologically healthy, but none of them reflect on the perspective of being that other woman. Stereotypically the other woman is a cold hearted bitch, with no consideration for the wife or the life of her lover. But please keep in mind it does take two to tango and more often than not it involves all three.
Psychologists have performed studies after studies to determine the main reasons as to why people cheat and to summarise, it all boils down to; lack of emotional or sexual satisfaction, the want to fuck someone else, falling out of love with your other half or in love with someone else, curiosity or revenge. It may take two to tango, but with many reasons initiating from an unhappy marriage or relationship, affairs are better described as a love triangle, with three corners representing the three people.
Knowing you would be "the other woman" is not an easy pill to swallow and I know first hand it wasn't something that could happen over night it takes time. He was 16 years older than I was, married (unhappily-according to friends) and I hadn't really noticed him at first. We were out together for a friends birthday and it was the first time i'd met him. I acknowledged the age gap first of all and assumed he did the same, therefore neither of us went out of our way to converse with each other. It wasn't until we were several drinks in that we were sharing stories amongst the group. Yet I still went home that night not even remembering his name.
Months later we all got together in a smaller group for a few drinks, as per usual a few turned into a lot and once again we were all sharing crude stories, laughing and getting to know each other better. This was where we managed to talk directly to each other and I actually found out a lot about him as a person. We managed to talk for hours and out of nowhere there was just this casual natural flirting, an attraction I wasn't even aware of. I found myself taking the piss out of him, throwing around sarcastic comments and making a lot of eye contact. He had these beautiful eyes, if you hadn't guessed by now I am a sucker for a nice pair of eyes. His had this constant sparkle when he looked at me, they were the first thing I noticed about him. There was something there but for now it was just his company I enjoyed, he was married none the less, so nothing could develop and I just believed the flirting was a confidence booster for him.
I really enjoyed myself that night, we all had a laugh and I gathered from what my friend said about his home situation, he enjoyed letting his hair down as he probably didn't do it that often. I wanted to see him again but I wasn't going to out of my way, it was just a friendship with some casual flirting and perspectively he was married and the oldest guy i've ever connected with, there was something sexy about it.
The next time we met the flirting continued and I became more and more attracted to him. There was something about the fact I couldn't have him and maybe the fact he couldn't have me, made it feel harmless and had no concern for his wife. He had this silver hair that shone through onto his stubble, it grazed his chiselled jawline and emphasised the shape of his lips. Throughout the night he pulled me in close to him and told me how glad he was to have met me and how he liked the type of person I was. He held his arm firmly around my back and grabbed my waist, pulling me closer into him, feeling his body against mine was turning me on. I loved the attention, I felt a sense of power, the fact I could distract a married man, it was such a confidence boost. Towards the end of the night I was ready to chuck the towel in and go home, but he was a mess, he kept trying to light a cigarette in the bar and I kept having to take it out of his mouth and guide him outside, even though i'd rather have guided him to the toilets. It was just the two of us outside, we were completely alone. I'd hit the point where the alcohol was churning in my stomach and all I wanted to do was get in the cab and go home to bed. Even in the state he was in, he was still so sexy, but unexpectedly he hugged me goodbye and told me bluntly, he was going to fuck me. I was so surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth, I thought nothing would ever transpire, not by my choosing, but he put the next level on the table and without thinking I just replied...."I know". His face lit up and as I told him I had to go he followed me down the road. I knew if I stayed with him that there was a 100% chance I would be having sex with him. I was torn. I had this urge to take things further but I had this guilt that just hit me like a wave, potentially having sex with a married man, it was morally wrong. I kept walking further away thinking he would give up, but when I noticed he nearly fell into the road I had no choice but to turn back. He was so dopey and so cute, he propped himself against a wall, and without taking another thought about his wife I walked straight up to him and kissed him. I was expecting him to pull away, I was expecting myself to stop, I was expecting something sloppy and awful, but he grabbed my face and slid his tongue in to meet mine. It was fucking fantastic, lustful, passionate, the type of kiss that could have gone on for hours. It literally made me wet. It's quite rare to find someone who is a compatible kisser on the first go, usually you have to suss out each others style, but he had what I wanted and it was great. So good in fact that when I pulled away and walked off, all mighty and powerful, leaving him wanting more, he just sat there, possibly in disbelief, who knows, but I was going home with a massive smile on my face and a wet pair of knickers.
I desperatley wanted to tell my friend what had happened, but I knew I couldn't. He knew the wife and I didn't know if something like this had ever happened before, I really didn't want him to judge me, nor did I want to make it that awkward between us all that I had to stop going out with them. I was informed by my friend he wasn't doing too well in himself, so what better excuse to message him, just as a friend and ask how he was doing, considering he had been on my mind since the night it happened it felt good and exciting to talk to him. It was risky move though, his wife could be the type that constantly checked his phone, or he could have been the type of guy that carelessly leaves his phone around, which wouldn't be so careless if he didn't have a woman 16 years younger message him. Fuck it, I had no idea what I was doing, whether I should be doing it, but I loved the attention he gave me, and as drunk as that kiss was, it was unforgettable. We chatted for a while, just about day to day things and there was no mention of the kiss, maybe he was that drunk he'd forgotten, but how could you? The conversation didn't last too long, he signed off with a "see you soon". Perhaps it was the age gap, but my generation are used to constantly texting, whereas he was keeping it short and sweet.
Once communication had started, I couldn’t control myself. I found myself fantasising over him, what he would be like in bed, whether the age would make the experience any better or worse? Although I sat there wondering how it would be and growing fond of the idea, the wife was still in the back of my mind. I’d seen pictures of her, she was attractive, physically fit and I began doubting myself, what would he want with me if he has that to go home to? Aesthetically they look very well suited. What was she doing, or not doing, at home that would encourage him to stray. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I could give him an experience of his life, but according to his texts, it was me that would be in for the surprise, how could I walk away when he was offering me that? We exchanged filthy messages but surprisingly he was just as dubious as I was, wondering whether the texts were just a laugh at his expense. He needed confirmation I was serious about pursuing this affair, so I sent him a couple of pictures to get his blood flowing. It worked, he knew I was into him and I’d confirmed to myself that I wanted this to happen, I was ready and I didn't give a fuck about anyone else.
The more I bought him up in conversation the more I found out about his home life, this was his second marriage. I was told his situation was quite bad, he and his wife hardly spoke, there was no connection there anymore, they were both unhappy and stuck and he was in a bad place because of it. I really wanted to reach out and offer some support, but I felt if I was to be the other woman, getting emotionally involved would not be in my best interest. I needed to keep this purely physical.
He wanted to arrange to meet up in a hotel for a few hours but the timing was off, since we kissed I hadn’t seen him, much to my despair, and all I could think about was fucking him, so when he suggested we meet up the following week I was pissed when mother nature arrived, talk about a sign telling me not to go through with it. When I did finally see him again, he was just a sexy as I remembered, he looked good and I could have taken him there and then, but alas we were with our friends and I hadn’t told anyone about my plans to sneak away and start a love affair with a guy 16 years older than me whilst his wife sits at home with her pets. The chemistry was electric between us, it was so obvious, the only thing stopping us from going at each other was the fact we were out in public and with our friends of course, who hadn't a clue, but to be honest, if we were in a more private setting, the fact our friends were there probably wouldn't have stopped us. I was going to devour him and it wasn't going to be long until it happened...
All the best
The Naked Blogger
Sometimes you can't fight chemistry or the way you look and feel about someone. From my point of view when I have an idea or a fantasy in my head, I genuinely need to go through with it, good or bad. This is not the first time I have found myself in the situation of being the other woman, this was just an example of how I saw things and how I felt when it first started. But what do you do when you get the option to be the other woman to your soul mate, someone you know you are destined to be with, someone you will love unconditionally forever, but timing has never ever been right? Because believe me, you are more than capable of loving two people at once - but that's a story for another time.